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Hands Down
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Hands Down
Some of the odd stories from the plastic surgery world.
I enjoy doing cosmetic surgery. A lot. But when I came out of my residency all fresh and eager and thinking the world would beat a path to my clinic, a little dose of reality hit me. And so, along my journey to becoming a cosmetic surgeon, I did a little hand surgery. No, I did a lot of hand surgery.
Hand surgery is an odd sort of specialty. On the one hand - it takes a lot of expertise and a lot of practice. It combines delicate microsurgery, refined orthopedic surgery, plastic surgery skills for skin and soft tissue coverage, and a team approach involving a dedicated hand therapist. On the other hand - most of the patients are dumb as bricks.
You might think that most of the major hand surgery trauma is just from simple accidents. You would think wrong. A simple accident, such as shutting a finger in the door, an accidental slip of a knife, a simple broken finger, or a sprain rarely requires a hand surgeon. An ER doctor can handily dispose of those issues. No, a real major injury requires intense effort.
Lets look at a few examples. First we have 'The Hunter'. As you might expect, 'The Hunter' likes to hunt. He especially loves to hunt 'old school' with a musket, a round ball for a bullet, and an old style powder horn filled with black powder.
Now 'The Hunter' also likes to drink. And to make this a truly southern redneck kind of story, he likes to smoke. Can you see where I'm going here? One evening, after a dinner of hops, malt, and barley washed down with a few beers, he sets his black powder horn down. In his ashtray. On top of a lighted cigarette. It dawns on him that this might not be a safe practice. He picks up the now smoking black powder horn and bang. Blew his right hand clean off at the wrist. There really wasn't much for me to do other than make it a little shorter and close everything up. He had to go home the next day and clean his right hand off the walls of the trailer with his left hand.
Sometimes, fashion can cause a major hand injury. Case in point, the 'Hip Hop Wannabee'. This guy loved the gangsta look. Lots of chains, tatted up arms, and droopey pants. He felt like he fit right in with his thug look. Until he met a couple of real thugs. After they messed with him for a while he tried to run off. Of course his pants were hanging somewhere between his hips and his knees. So he had to reach back and hold them up while he tried to run. He looked so comical one of the thugs thought it would be funny to shoot him in the ass. Which they did - right through his hand and into a butt cheek. It really was hard to keep a straight face while he explained how this happened.
I often ask how an injury occurred. I don't know why since so many people with hand injuries lie. Case in point was the police officer who came in at 2:00 AM in street clothes. He had a bullet hole clear through the middle of his hand. He also smelled a little of alcohol. When asked what happened he stated that he was reviewing gun safety with his neighbor while they were have a discussion over the fence in the back yard. He said he was explaining how important it was to keep your hand off of the slide where the spent shell ejects from since it can cause injury. He never was able to explain how this caused a bullet hole. Not only that, a very big bullet hole - bigger than a 9mm pistol would make. And with no gun powder around it, the hole was not made at close range. Go figure.
About 15 years ago I got a call to the ER for some missing fingers. Seems a former bikini model was getting up in years and felt that she was no longer getting modeling jobs. She became very depressed. Alcohol always helped her feel better so she took up alcoholism as a hobby. One night when she was driving home she had trouble holding the steering wheel of her car. She looked down and much to her surprise found that her fingers were missing on her left hand. At least that's how the 911 call came in. The police officer that was dispatched found her at the side of the road, very distraught and very drunk. He also noted that her car bad been in a bad wreck which she had not noticed. It seems she was driving drunk, rolled her car a few times, and in the process her left hand flew out the broken window and the fingers were amputated. She never noticed until her car flipped upright and she tried to grab the steering wheel.
I think that is enough stories for now. I have more, but I'll save those for a later post. As you might expect, the details have been changed a bit to protect privacy.
Al Rosenthal, MD, is a board certified plastic surgeon practicing cosmetic and reconstructive surgery in the northern Atlanta suburbs. He invites to you to view his website at http://www.plasticsurgeryofgwinnett.com and his blog at http://www.plasticsurgeryofgwinnett.com/musings.
Unlike a purely marketing blog, his blog truly is a random musing about the art and business of plastic surgery. Feel free to post any comments and he will happily respond. Also, questions can be asked on the main website. Enjoy!
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