You are Here: Home > Cosmetic Surgery > How to Discover Your Intimacy Boundaries
How to Discover Your Intimacy Boundaries
I remember a couple who came to see me for marital counseling. The woman appeared to be more committed to the relationship than the man. The man was unhappy with the relationship due to physical appearance of his wife and had her pressure have cosmetic surgery including a facelift and liposuction. He felt the few cosmetic changes would improve the sex life and fill the void of what he missed.
I was quite surprised because the woman was exceptionally beautiful and pleasant, while her husband was not physically impressive and emotionally cold and distant. I saw the man controlling behavior toward his wife as a desperate attempt to try to establish relationships without regard to their struggles with intimacy. By his own admission, the man was devoid of emotional expressiveness. He was raised in an environment where his parents relationship was sterile, non-affectionate, and lack of passion. This man's wife lived with frustration at his lack of emotional availability, and she was angry and reluctant to act on by his need for her to change her image to his need for better sex needs.
I raised the red flag for the male sexual needs by-passed his intimacy issues, but unfortunately it was less painful for him to clear signs of emotional unavailability to ignore. He continued his irrational desire to restore his wife's physical appearance, using it as the litmus test for the quality of their sex life and relationship to continue. His wife was vulnerable to his demands and was afraid of losing the relationship. Unfortunately, she decided to satisfy the wishes of her husband, ignoring the various signals that I had explored with them.
I have one partner can not be seen until several months later. At that moment, the woman called me for an emergency appointment. She came to my office sobbing as she explained the resentment and humiliation that she felt for her folly to accept cosmetic surgery in her feeble attempt to take her husband's sexual needs. Her face was bruised and irritated her face lift and I remember her despondently said: "My husband is not one of your recommendations presented at our last meeting on the issue of creating intimacy considered." I was not surprised.
The impact of intimacy at the core of every significant relationship. Cultivating intimacy takes a lot of work. Intimacy is a complex set of feelings and behaviors that develops out of a relationship based on integrity, commitment, passion and respect. Many people, especially men, get sexuality confused with intimacy. Sexuality should be viewed as a manifestation of the quality of the relationship of a couple, not a goal.
Sexual expression is not maintaining a relationship devoid of intimacy. Intimacy, however, will maintain a relationship with a certain degree of sexual involvement may be missed. I've worked with many couples who have had erotic sex whose relationships dissolved. I've never worked with a couple whose relationship is built on intimate behavior that has faltered. If intimacy is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, understanding the nature of interest:
• A partner must take the risk of revealing emotions.
• A partner must be willing to be honest and advance in the communication.
• Couples must listen, and non-judgmental and promoting understanding.
• A partner must value and cherish the person he loves.
• The issue of intimacy is the core of all important relationships.
• The impact of intimacy is much broader than sexuality.
• It's the little things that count - remembering birthdays, anniversaries, surprise a partner with gifts, and validating your partner.
• Demonstration of non-sexual affection, like holding hands, hugging, messaging, and kissing are intimate acts.
• cultivation of intimacy is important when couples who struggle with their sexual experience.
• Conflict resolution is an important aspect of intimacy.
• As a spiritually and psychologically committed to their own partner of intimacy.
• Trust and respect are the cornerstones of intimacy.
• Accepting your partner with all its faults is a quality of intimacy.
• Management of difficult life events in a relationship is a hallmark of intimacy.
• Setting up a romantic setting and creating mutually satisfying sexual encounters is intimacy.
We all know someone just by the nature of their emotional experience. Developing intimacy requires a sense of feeling, not about them. Many partners experience frustration and resentment if they are unable to accurately assess their partner's feelings and ultimately making assumptions that may or may not be accurate.
Finding meaning and purpose in life is about feeling connected to those closest to us. Those who demonstrate intimacy are not afraid to be vulnerable if it is in their best interest. I believe our legacy will be determined on the quality of our relationships. The quality of our connections will be based on the level of intimacy that we do with our most precious contacts. Waiting for the right time takes work, not a pill.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an educator, author, licensed professional counselor and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He specializes in treating anxiety and depression for adults and children. He served as a teacher and guidance counselor for 30 years and has taught graduate-level counselor training for Chapman University. In 2005, he self-published Stepping Out of the Bubble: Reflections on the Pilgrimage of Counseling Therapy (http://www.Booklocker.com). His latest book, Troubled Childhood, triumphant Life: Healing the Battle Scars of Youth (New Horizon Press) about the impact of negative childhood experiences on adult functioning.
0 comments:
Post a Comment